I sank down onto the floor, cross-legged, with the mysterious folder in my lap. The first item was a small, black-and-white photograph. It showed my grandmother, much younger, probably in her twenties, standing in front of what looked like a train station. But she wasn’t alone. Standing right next to her was a man I had never, ever seen before. His arm was around her shoulder.
And a huge shock: she was pregnant.
I moved on to the next page. It was a letter, dated all the way back to 1962:
My dearest Zahra, If you are reading this, it means our daughter is safe. It means you found a way out. I’m sorry I couldn’t go with you. I hope she has your courage, your eyes. Tell her I loved her, even from afar. Always, A.
The word “Daughter?” echoed in my mind. My father was an only child. He didn’t have a sister.
But as I kept reading through the papers in the folder, an overwhelming, new truth began to form inside me. It felt like a slow and massive storm building up in my chest. I wasn’t reading about some distant cousin or a long-lost family member.
I was reading about me.
The woman I knew as Grandma Zahra hadn’t been my biological grandmother.
She had been my mother.
The postcards, the riddles, the mystery she had left behind—it wasn’t a strange, quirky game. It was her way of giving me the entire truth of my own origin story, handing it over piece by piece, only when she believed I was old enough to handle it.
A Story of Sacrifice and Courage
She was scared, alone, and had no way to support a baby. In a painful act of sacrifice, she arranged for a distant cousin in the United States to adopt me as a newborn. She then followed, found work as a house cleaner, and stayed close by, watching from the outside.
She waited until I was five years old, then applied to be our family’s “nanny.” My adoptive parents—who were not strangers, but the distant relatives she had spoken of—let her into our home immediately. I never knew the difference.
She never told me directly. Instead, she sent postcards. One every single year, with those cryptic lines that now felt like desperate, silent whispers trying to scream: I am your mother. I’ve always been your mother.Continue reading…